Writing Therapy

One of the reasons I started this was to have an emotional outlet.  Aside from crying, I like writing and playing the piano best to help relieve stress and other emotions.  I don't particularly feel like crying, and I don't have a piano (even if I did it's late at night and baby is sleeping), that leaves writing as my only outlet. With that said, excuse me while I let it all out.

I don't even know what I want to write exactly, just that I need to to relieve some pent up feelings.

I suppose I should write about my baby.  She is almost 11 months old!  I can hardly believe it!  Next month she will be one.  Maybe that's why I have been feeling down lately.  Watching her grow has been an amazing experience, but it's one of those things that even while it's happening, and you want it to, you still don't want it to.

When she was first born I could hardly wait for her to be independent.  I had a bit of a hard time accepting that I was basically her only care taker.  True, I did have help from Ryan when he was around, but when you nurse a newborn, that doesn't mean much.  I didn't like just how dependent that made her on me; I couldn't just go and do stuff like I used to, I had to get up a few times every night, and much of my day was devoted to her.

Now, her we are, a month away from the big ONE, and she crawls around discovering new things all day. She eats solids like a champ and sleeps through the night, eliminating most of the nursing sessions I originally had to do.  It's ironic, but now I almost wish she wasn't so independent.  She still needs me a lot, of course, but not like she used to.

She is a bright little girl, and it is fun to see her curiosity come to life as she explores my house.  I love the look of concentration she gets on her face as she tries to figure out a new thing, like where the goldfish went when I closed my hand around it or how to get the balloon down from the ceiling.

Some days I still think I'm crazy for having a baby.  Most days I am in awe of how much she has progressed in such a short amount of time.  Everyday I do my best to be a good mom to this amazing girl.